21 Days to Unlock Your Inner Beauty, Day 5: How I Negotiated a $9K Deal Without Saying a Word!

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Have you ever been in an argument and forgotten what the point was and what you were defending in the first place?

If you’ve ever been in a relationship of any kind, you likely have!

It ends up being a battle of the Egos…the one who can dig their heels in the sand further in the game of tug of war and not let go. “If I can just pull them over the line, then I WIN!” seems to be the deepest desire of the Ego.

The Ego wants to be right, at all costs. Read that again…at ALL costs. Are you willing to pay the price of your most precious relationships? You might think that the Ego exists to serve you. It doesn’t. The Ego serves itself.

And here’s the true wake up call – you are NOT your Ego.

Recently, I was in a situation where my former husband believed I owed him nearly $9K. In an effort to negotiate the amount he arbitrarily had fixed in his head, I sat down across from him, smiled, made eye contact and asked him to truly hear me in a calm, normal tone of voice. In return, he was tense. His eyes darting all over the room, shoulders ridge and contracted upwards, he quickly told me how he was right, I was wrong, and he wasn’t changing his position. I took a deep breath and asked again. He leaned in to the table separating us, pointed at me, and told me he didn’t care about the consequences, or hearing me, he wanted the money, period.

Twenty minutes later, I was told I didn’t owe him a penny.

What changed? What was the miraculous key that in 20 minutes had a man intent on ‘his way or the highway’ to writing off $9K?

Silence.

There are times when silence is a powerful communication tool and can be used for the deepest, most emphatic form of connection. Silence can create amazing shifts in the energy of a tense situation when used right.

Using silence requires awareness of your Ego and what it wants to say because it’s the ultimate killer of silence. The Ego doesn’t know silence, in fact, Ego is like a viciously self-preserving, defensive, fitful child. It’s completely unaware of our inter-connectedness because it’s only kept alive by the illusion of separateness.

How did I use silence to negotiate? Seems like a paradox doesn’t it? I’ll explain Step 2 in the ‘silent negotiation’ in the next email, so stay tuned!

Put it in action:

Bring to mind a difficult person or situation in your life. Close your eyes and ask their soul permission to step into their body, to see what they see, feel what they feel, experience what they experience with all their unique history, pain, blessings, and lifespan that has made them who they are today. Standing in their shoes, imagine what this person’s soul would say about the situation the two of you are in. Allow the persons soul to reveal to you in a compassionate, non-judgmental voice how the person is witnessing this situation and hear them out. Step back out into yourself and thank the other person for sharing their experience. What new perspective from their point of view did you just gain?

Love,

Jennifer

Jennifer naturally guides clients to access their wisdom, inner peace and fullest expression. She is a graduate of the Center for Coaching Mastery, practices and teaches Non-Violent Communication and is a Certified Mediator. Her gift of mastering language nuances allows deeps authentic expression that Jennifer actively applies to her own life, passionately studies and gifts to others through her compassionate coaching. See more about Jennifer’s programs HERE.

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