Hello beautiful Goddess!
Today we are taking a journey into your juicy ALIVENESS. You will recall in my last email, I told you a story of how I took a very tense, what seemed to be hopeless situation beginning with my former husband insisting I owed him $9K, to 20 minutes later, him saying I owed him nothing.
The magic key in this situation was knowing when and how to use the power of silence and letting go of my Ego.
So step #1 was making an internal decision to let go of being right, let go of the outcome of this discussion, and let go of my perceptions around the situation that got us there (all Ego motivations).
Once I set my Ego aside, I was able to FEEL what the situation needed and in that moment, what was most required was my SILENCE.
Step #2 is to connect to what was ALIVE in him. What does that mean? Connecting to what is alive in another person and/or ourselves is to connect to the feelings that arise within and express them through compassionate, empathic communication.
When we communicate in this way, it is a two-way gift and blessing. We listen to what is alive in the other person in their most honest expression, and then connect that to the need of the other person in that moment. Some people need a great deal of help with this process because they don’t have the empathic language or self-awareness to know what is alive in them, and how to make a clear request for their needs to be met.
In this example, I was on the receiving end, and the communication was not exactly compassionate on his end; however, I used silence and body language to let him know I was deeply listening and connected to what he was feeling. After I listened to everything he had to say, only then did I share with him what I had heard to make sure that what he intended to say, and what I heard were a match. You can say things such as “So, if I am understanding you correctly…” or “If I am hearing you right, you are feeling hurt and angry.”
Because I was able to authentically hear what was alive in him (resentment, anger, frustration) and relay that back empathically (without judgment or defensiveness), he let his guard down and both of us felt enriched as a result.
In the next email, I’ll reveal a third step that allowed me to get my needs met in this conversation as well.
Jennifer naturally guides clients to access their wisdom, inner peace and fullest expression. She is a graduate of the Center for Coaching Mastery, practices and teaches Non-Violent Communication and is a Certified Mediator. Her gift of mastering language nuances allows deeps authentic expression that Jennifer actively applies to her own life, passionately studies and gifts to others through her compassionate coaching.